Sunday, 31 July 2011

Ryanair to make passengers sit inside each other

Budget airline, Ryanair, are planning to fuck their passengers up the arse a little bit harder, with plans to make them sit inside each other on flights. Chief executive, Michael O’Leary, has been in talks with plane manufacturer, Boeing, in an effort to ascertain the possibility of fitting specialist apparatus on a Boeing aircraft.

‘For this dream to become a reality; all we will need is: some lubricant, a few shoe horns and a pulley system attached to the ceiling,’ states Mr O’Leary, before continuing ‘I got the idea last week, when I looked in my mother’s vagina and realised what a terrible waste of space it was. If a baby can come out; a person can go in. Then I looked inside my father’s anus; basically, it is an enormous cavity. I’ve also seen something similar on Pornhub.com.’

Mr O’Leary is currently seeking approval from the Irish Aviation Authority, to establish whether it is legal to have a ‘Russian Doll’ standing arrangement upon an aircraft. The airline will insist that passengers are arranged inside each other in an orderly manner, with the largest person most definitely on the outside. ‘It is all about a convenient, safe, cheap and easy way to travel.’ says Mr O’Leary, ‘and, actually, before you get all fucking precious about it, it means I will no longer be forced to tax fat, disgusting, horrible, greedy people, as they can be the outside of the Russian doll. It’s a win-win situation. Except when they need a crap.’